• Octavio Cesar Martinez

Why Do Marriages Die?


Photo by Kristina Flour on Unsplash

Marriages die by silence.

Marriages die in silence.

They die because couples stopped caring enough to talk or argue.

That's it..

Just that simple.


When couples no longer care enough to talk or argue—with peace as the goal—then that marriage is dying and soon it will give off the stench of the dead.


This is not about endless rounds of fight-to-the-death arguments or seemingly endless rounds of conversations just to talk. I mean clearly state what you want, and listen to what your spouse wants, and then restate to check for understanding, [“I think you mean ____ is that right?”] and then finally work from there.


Sound hard?

It should because it is hard.

Isn’t this what you signed up for when you exchanged vows?

But instead of honest, difficult, and healthy conversations, many couples believe the poison of silence is better.


You may think, “It’s ok….

It’s not worth getting into a fight over…

I can put up with it…”

Really? It’s ok?

Not worth getting into a fight over?

You can “put up” with it?

Do you really want your mate’s annoying BS, poor habits, drinking, lousy sex, bad money management or insert the thing you dislike that is driving your crazy here _____, for the remaining years or decades of your barely alive marriage? Is it possible you have become lazy or cowardly? Is it possible you may have a significant issue with honest conversations? And if you’re not able to have a difficult conversation with your spouse, doesn’t your marriage matter enough to get help to have those conversations?


You may think to yourself, “I’m a good person…

I’m a peace loving, kind and patient person…”

And that is a total nonsense.

You are either a coward or horrible or delusional.

Wake up!

Your marriage is dying and all you care about is believing you’re a good person? You are wrapping your arrogance and sickness in the clothing of a false virtue.


You have a fear of the truth.

You don’t want to know the truth.

You think you cannot handle the truth.

But often, the unknown truth is much scarier than the real truth.


Maybe your sex life has become routine.

Maybe you enjoy the payoff of being a martyr.

Maybe dinner conversations have become boring.

Maybe both of you have become selfish or remained immature.

Maybe you have become unattractive to your mate and you both know it.

Maybe love has slowly become hatred without mention or action.


Why?

Because you kept your mouth shut.


Things fall apart.

All things.

All the time.

Especially relationships.


But if you’re not able or willing to talk about this, then you should not be surprised when you discover your marriage is dead.

And that’s how marriage die.


By silence.

In silence.

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