Often we cause harm to ourselves by replaying memories of our past or by the imaginations of our future. We luxuriate in a jacuzzi of self-torment with questions of “If only” and “What if”.
One way to break this painful cycle is by forgiveness. By forgiving those who have betrayed or wounded us we can be set free of the awful memories and imaginations. We can be set free of our past wounds and their memories. Of course you will be able to recall the incident, but it will no longer have a hold on you as it did. It will no longer harm you.
Now the unpleasant news, you have to acknowledge that the incident was awful and not simply blow it off by saying things like: “It’s ok… It’s fine… It is what it is… It wasn’t that bad… I’m used to it… “
Forgiveness is not downplaying the awfulness of the thing that occurred.
That is excusing the offense.
The result of excusing the offense?
You are pretending.
You are betraying yourself.
You are harboring bitterness.
You are denying the truth of the situation.
You are detesting, resenting, yourself or others.
You are reinforcing the idea you are not worth loving or being treated well.
What is the way out of this private hell?
Forgiveness.
Forgiveness is not easy, but it is simple.
Forgiveness may not be “one and done."
Forgiveness may require multiple acts for each layer of harm caused by the offender.
But the results are surprising.
It may be renewed creative energy, or restored relationships, or a new level of confidence. And forgiveness, which deals with the past, has a powerful, positive effect on how we visualize our future.
In upcoming posts I’ll share more about what forgiveness is, what forgiveness is not and how to forgive. Whether through a religious tradition or therapeutic practices, forgiveness can be experienced.
For more information about forgiveness, please purchase my new book, It Was A Beautiful Day When My Father Died. Available now on Apple Books.
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