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The Worst Forgiveness Advice

Updated: Feb 17, 2019

There are several myths regarding forgiveness. Downplaying a hurtful event is one of the biggest ones. It sounds like this: “It wasn't that bad… or, It's fine… or, I’m use to it…”

A vital step in forgiveness is recognizing what happened to you was not okay, it was not fine, and you should not ever get use to it. Forgiving our offenders to be free from the past injury, requires an honest acknowledgement that what happened was not okay and you're probably not fine.

What happens if you continue to downplay an offense[s]?

When you downplay what happened to you, you diminish yourself.

Downplaying offenses excuses the offender, but it doesn't release you from the injury. Recognizing what happened to you as bad can be painful, and it most likely will be, but it is an important first step in the process of forgiveness and freedom.

If you continue to downplay an offense[s], then you’ll privately become bitter pretending that the offense was “not that bad.” By harboring bitterness, you are betraying yourself, and denying the truth of the situation. Further, since betrayal to ourselves cannot be contained to one area, you’ll begin to become bitter in other areas of your life: work will become less satisfying, resentment and distrust towards others will grow, or you’ll begin to sabotage relationships… bitterness [or unforgiveness] spreads.


For more information about what forgiveness is, what forgiveness is not and how to forgive, pick up a copy of my new book: It Was A Beautiful Day When My Father Died, available through Apple Books.

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